Let My Spouse Know She Matters - Three Areas You Can Help You Build a Stronger Marriage

Are you in a marriage that is spiraling out of control and you are asking your self “how do I let my spouse know she matters?” Getting through to your spouse can be difficult but I have always found in my counseling sessions that problems in a marriage boil down to three areas. Those areas are communication, trust and learning to appreciate each other. These are the 3 main qualities that strong marriages are built on.

Building a dynamic marriage with your spouse is not something that happens overnight. You have to remember that you are different people all together. There are going to be times where you do not agree with each other. It is only natural. But you both can work with each other to develop the communication skills that you both need to talk out your issues. Building trust in each other will allow you both see that you are each others best friend and that you are committed to the relationship. Learning to appreciate each other will show that you care dearly for each other.

Build Communication

Poor communication between couples will lead to misunderstandings in the dynamics of the marriage. Couples who talk regularly are three times more likely to be able to avoid divorce or separation when a marriage has come to a critical bump. This is because couples who have developed communication in the marriage know how to work out the small problems before they turn into bigger problems that can bring the marriage to a disastrous point. So I would make this my first step in any relationship building exercise. Simple make time for each other everyday to talk for 30 minutes. Talk about what ever you like. The important thing is to share your thoughts and feelings with each other.

Build Trust

Building trust is a little more difficult when being compared to communication. Trust is either there or it is not. So if you trust your spouse, I would hope that they are giving you the same trust in return. If not, then this should be a topic discussed in the communication section. And in turn if you do not trust your spouse then you have some soul searching to do to see if you can ever trust your spouse, for what ever reason. Ask yourself the following questions to help give you some perspective on your thoughts and you can use them when you revert to the communication step to work out your trust issues.

What has transpired that has broken the trust in the relationship?

How do you both feel about what has transpired?

Can you both see yourselves committed to building the trust again in the marriage?

How would you both like to go about rebuilding the trust in the marriage?

Learn to appreciate each other

My wife once told me that she loves me for the little things that I do. And in my marriage counseling sessions, I have found that many spouses are looking for that small sign of appreciation from their loved one. We all need to be reminded that we are loved. So show your appreciation by doing small favors for your spouse. Flowers for no special reason, doing the dishes because you want to help are a few quick one that are coming off the top of my head. You know what your spouse would appreciate. So let them know every now and then that you care.

Conclusion

I hope that I have been able to help you identify “how do I let my spouse know she matters?” Showing your wife that you are devoted in the marriage will go a long way to developing a strong happy marriage that will last the trials of time.

Communication Breakdown

It happens to the best of us. Communication is such a inconsistent thing, and the lines of communication can become fuzzy every so often, especially when feelings are involved. Even those who think that they are immune to the confusion of conflict can find themselves drawn into a communication breakdown when they least expect it, and chaos ensues.

This happened to me on the weekend, and until to be quite honest, it took me by surprise. Even those of us who are better equipped than many others are not immune. My spouse told me something that really hurt my feelings, and I lashed back in defense. It was a silly argument, over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of aftershave. But to me, it represented something much deeper that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks. I get frustrated at having to search for something when it is not where I expect it to be. Worse still when my partner has shifted it and I don’t know the first place to begin searching.

Aftershave, needles and thread, car keys, a Tupperware container to store my baking soda in, covers for our outdoor chairs, all were examples of instances where I had to turn the house upside-down. A simple answer from my partner when these things were shifted would have saved me a lot of time and frustration. And the answer I got? "You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better"

I was gutted. When I come home from work I exercise the dog and cook dinner so that it is on the table by the time my partner gets home. The house is always spotless and warm, as I’m very conscious of coming home to a tidy environment. I see this as a fundamental part of my role in coming home first, and it takes a lot of my time. To imply that I have the time to "organize yourself better" really hurt.

I don’t expect praise, but I did hope that my efforts were recognized. I got told that "I don’t expect you to cook my dinner every night" was interpreted by me as ingratitude, and hurt me even more.

So where do we go from here? My partner felt guilty at coming home every night to the perfect household, whereas I felt guilty if it wasn’t perfect. It was never about me trying to make him feel guilty, but it seems it did. And this is where the communication fell down. He misinterpreted my efforts, and I misinterpreted his response.

Communication, communication, communication. I need for my partner to keep me informed of where things move to. I need to be informed. I need to voice my frustration before it gets to boiling point. We both need to talk about our feelings more, and how each of our contributions to our home and our relationship make us feel, and how we interpret each others contributions. It is not a competition, but for many couples it feels like it.

When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to act funny ways. Often stress and guilt are barriers to communication. The key to overcoming them is to recognize what it is, and have the courage to talk about it. You might be able to do it as a couple, or you might want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with each other and offer insights and advice.

We got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn’t hurt so much if I didn’t feel such love at the same time. But it served as a good reminder to me. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you forget to think of the other person. You also need to entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the way to expose the miscommunication and let the healing begin.

A good lesson to learn, even for the experts…

Top 10 Reasons Why Marriages Fail

Marriages fail for many reasons.  And it is very important that for couples to identify what red flags are present when it comes to unhappiness in a marriage.  I have compiled the top 10 why marriages fail. Knowing what is going wrong can help you stop the separation before it is too late.  Or you may even be able to get your ex back.

1. Financial Problems

For the most part, it is the lack of open communication about money problems that jeopardize a marriage are more than the financial problems alone. Everyone has financial issues relating to bills, debts, spending and budgets. How a couple deals with those issues can make or break a relationship.

2. Communications Problems

If a couple has communication problems prior to marriage, those problems are likely to get worse after tying the knot. It is important that both partners are able to discuss every aspect of married life openly and on a regular basis. A marriage without two-way communication will not last long.

3. Family Problems

Family relationships with children, parents, in-laws, siblings and step-children are all sources of marital problems. Raising children increases stress in the home and can cause minor differences of opinion to become major rifts in a relationship. Discretion is the better part of valor when it comes to family and marriage.

4. Sex Problems

Sex is an important part of marriage and the source of many marriage problems. Every marriage requires the act of consummation by sexual intercourse. Failure to consummate a marriage or problems with sexual frequency, quality, and infidelity are all common reasons for marriage failure and divorce.

5. Friend Problems

Close personal friends of either spouse do not always make the transition to friends of the marriage. Some relationships with friends can be poisonous to the marriage if they insert themselves between spouses. A good friend will enhance a married couple’s relationship. People who try to break a marriage apart are not quality friends.

6. Addiction Problems

Drug, alcohol and gambling abuse are all forms of dependence that are very detrimental to a marriage. Even without the presence of physical or verbal abuse, the behavior of an addicted spouse can make normal married life impossible. Addictions are also a familiar source of money problems in a marriage as well.

7. Abuse Problems

Abuse of any kind is never acceptable in a marriage. Physical and verbal abuse are all too often the causes of a marital break-down. Sexual abuse and emotional abuse also fall into this category. One partner’s desire to degrade their spouse in an ongoing pattern of abuse will surely cause a marriage to fail in time.

8. Personality Problems

There are many kinds of personality traits that can make a couple incompatible and unable to reach agreement in matters concerning sex, intellect and emotion. Partners that have compulsive needs to please or belittle can make honest communication impossible. Negative personality traits make a long-term relationship unbearable and divorce a real possibility.

9. Expectation Problems

Adapting to changes in married life often depends on having realistic expectations about a spouse and the marriage relationship itself. It is common for disillusionment to set in when romantic or other unrealistic expectations are not met. Over time, unmet expectations can generate enough dissatisfaction to make meaningful compromise impossible.

10. Time Problems

Work and home schedules are not always attuned. Time spent apart and time spent together is equally important for maintaining a good married relationship. When time is used in a balanced way, it results in opportunities for growth and harmony. A lot of time spent alone without a corresponding period of quality time spent together puts a lot of stress on a marriage.

You Want Win Your Ex Back - What To Do?

Relationships are not easy. There is all kind of emotions involved, positive and negative. If negative ones become leading emotion there is a good possibility that a couple decides to split up. However, from time to time, that decision is one-sided and other one of the parties wants to reconcile. If you are in such a position, there are some tricks that should help you to win your ex back.

Firstly, write down everything you know about your ex. Try to remember the things they like, or not like that much. Write down also all the other information that you think may have led to your break up.

This list is very important because you can utilize it later in your task of winning your ex back. Now, separate the things your ex like from those they don't like. You can create your plan around their likes, avoiding their dislikes.

The second step of winning your ex back is to start your communicating process. The most important thing to remember is to communicate with a positive sense. This helps you to gain connection with your ex again. That connection is crucial if you intend to stay in their life. Let's talk about the best way to start building trust with your ex again.

Your initial communication should begin with a sincere apology for your contribution to the breakup, and you should never bring up anything negative that they have done to cause the breakup.

This cannot be emphasized too much; communicate always with a positive way! Be always kind and supportive to your ex. If you act positive, saying compliments whenever it is appropriate will make a huge favor to you with the task of getting them back.

Your communication should not be too intrusive either. You have to give your ex some space so that they don't feel pressured. However, we all want to feel ourselves needed and important. So, make that clear for your ex. Make every effort that they feel themselves important, not only for you, but other people around them as well.

Most people love gifts. They make them feel special and important. If you know that your ex likes gifts too, it could be a great way to rebuild your relationship. One small but special gift every week might be a good idea. This is just one way to show how much they mean to you.

The final step is to make an attempt to have meetings with them over dinner, or some sort of meal. These meetings will help to develop the bond between you, and will provide you crucial knowledge in how to win your ex back. A prolongation of these meetings will in time lead to the development of a relationship in most cases.

5 Ways To Win Them Back And Have Them For Ever

Are you experiencing plenty of troubles attempting to get your ex back? Have you ever tried the same old ideas for getting your ex back but found that your tactics were failing miserably in your task of re-uniting with your treasured loved one? Are you looking for the best methods of getting your ex back? If you answer yes to any of the above questions, then your problems should soon be over. Listed here are five definite methods to get your ex back in a straightforward yet effective manner.

1. Look Confident And Stay Calm
You have to realize that it’s indeed your level of self-belief that might really provide help to in getting your lover back at warp pace. So, instead of appearing needy, you’ll want to try and stay calm and give enough space to your alienated lover. Stop begging your ex to come back back to you and instead, allow him/her to be away for a while. When doing so, please remember to aid him/her when he/she needs it the most. This may help instill confidence in the heart of your ex.

2. Allow them Sufficient Space By Avoiding Instantaneous Contact
The second method to get your estranged lover back is through avoiding calling or contacting him/her instantly after a break up. You’re extremely mistaken in case you consider that by calling your ex instantly following a break up, you’ll have the ability to resolve the subject. After a break up, there isn’t a space for rational ideas or conversations and hence it’s essential to give your self adequate time to organize your ideas and think of a suitable technique to win your ex back.

3. Hang out With Pals
After a breakup you often really feel tempted to cover and you seldom leave your home and mix around together with your friends. This is not by any means right. So one can feel better and avoid thinking about your ex for a while, you should try and hang out around with your mates, so that you have a relaxed state of mind, after that , you’ll be able to easily strategize on the best way to win your ex back.

4. Do Not Snap At Your Ex
After a break up, you are usually very angry and also you want to get back at your ex. That is once more a improper approach and needs to be prevented at all costs. You have to avoid saying improper things to your ex and you additionally need to avoid making unrealistic demands. In its place, you need to stop threatening or abusing your ex and aim to keep your thoughts open by placing aside your emotions. You additionally need to be prepared to try and mend the ties by being rational in your approach. Though this seems depressing furthermore at times hard to just accept, that is the only way to get your alienated lover into talking with you yet again.

5. You Ought To Be A Go Getter
You might want to get the flexibility to make your ex desire your lack of presence in the first place. You want to rekindle your love by reminding her/him of all the good things you did moreover all the great facts you shared when you were together. You might also try and expect your mutual buddies to try and influence your ex into talking to you back again. Try and mingle with folks of the opposite gender. It’s much tried and tested technique which would influence your ex to pay extra attention to you.

What are your chance now?
The steps given above are just one step closer in getting back together with your ex. If you are too serious about your ex and want them back very badly you need to have a good step by step plan.